


a cavern of secrets

by coffeewordangel



Series: tumblr drabbles [6]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 15:45:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7898545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeewordangel/pseuds/coffeewordangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Let's not talk about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a cavern of secrets

At this point it would probably be easier to have a frank and honest conversation with Liam about exactly how he feels. Zayn isn’t going to do that. The gnawing, rending weight in his chest is a selfish, craven thing. It feeds on the insecurity and uncertainty that swirl endless circles through his mind.

It’s not like Liam doesn’t have some idea. Zayn hasn’t exactly been subtle in his interest, but suspecting is different from knowing. Knowing would inevitably change things. Besides, Zayn has become slightly addicted to the pain, has become attached to the clenching ache in his chest. 

Every thought comes back to Liam. Every moment is a cry for Liam’s sole attention, his absolute focus. If he’s not paying attention to Zayn, all the doubts and self-recrimination start to slither in and take tiny aching bites inside of him. If Zayn is left to his own devices, he sometimes wonders why Liam wants to talk to him at all.

Lying in bed at night the fantasies play on endless, sleep-stealing loop. They’re not all of them about the need to worship Liam, to show his devotion with lips and tongue and teeth and greedy fingers. Sometimes they’re just the thought of naked skin pressed together, of tandem breath and bone deep security. Sometimes all he wants is to lie next to Liam and breathe.

Zayn’s grateful for the moments he does have with Liam, keeps them secure in his mind to pull out when he’s alone. Images of Liam’s smile foxed at the edges and covered in fingerprints burnt across the backs of his eyelids. Memories of Liam’s arm wrapped around him a ghosted weight over his shoulders. 

He’ll take what he can get. It would be better to split himself open, to debride the wound and allow it to heal. It would be better to hear from Liam that he can’t give Zayn what he wants. Unfortunately, Zayn can’t make himself do what’s better for him. The euphoric tension when he flirts and the aching chasm when it isn’t returned have too deep a grasp on him. It’s a roller coaster and he can’t find it in himself to step off.

“You still want to grab dinner?” Liam pokes his head out of the hotel bathroom, curls damp and tempting.

Zayn pastes on a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Ready when you are, babe.”


End file.
